I have not smoked a cigarette in 3 weeks and two-and-a-half days.
That is delightenment. I mean, delightenment in a pure form because for years I’ve tried to stop. I’ve easily spent hundreds of dollars on patches and lozenges and electronic cigarettes. I’ve easily flushed hundreds of unsmoked cigarettes down the toilet as flourishy dramatizations of my sincere intentions to quit. I’ve easily cried hundreds of singular tears of frustration because of my inability to let the cigarettes go.
My going 3 weeks and two-and-a-half days without smoking is tantamount to America going 3 weeks and two-and-a-half days without a gun murder. This is HUGE.
I’m in a sort of shock about it, really. Trying to understand exactly what it was that shifted in my brain that told me I could go more than the typical 2 or 3 days I’d previously been successful at going before I’d purchase a pack of Newports and chain-fire them up. I looked up one day and realized I hadn’t had a smoke in 4 days. Then 5 days. Then 6 days. Then 8 days. And then, it became a kind of eerie self-challenge to see just how far I could take this farce. Only, it wasn’t a farce. It never felt like a farce. Because I didn’t really want to smoke. I haven’t really craved a cigarette. I’ve even been around people smoking and have been able to say to myself, I don’t do that anymore.
It was like, “puff!” I mean “poof!“And the desire was gone. Will I ever smoke a cigarette again? Right now, I don’t think so. Not even on sultry evenings in cozy chairs on high balconies when my cruel smoker friends try to tempt me over sparkly glasses of barrel aged whiskey. Ok, maybe one drag. NO! I’m kidding. I would not smoke. I would not smoke.
That is my idea of what this delightenment I write of is all about. This idea of experiencing something so unexplainable and actually living in it. Seeing it. And not really needing to understand exactly how it got to this point. Just knowing that here is this delectable little miracle.
And if it can happen with cigarettes, it can happen with ANYTHING. Imagine that.
Til next time!
(In my last post, I alluded to my writing about some exciting developments in my life—more truly remarkable happenings since I stepped out on my true desires back in October, quit a job in which I was miserable and embarked on an attempt to live a life I found to be true to me. Well, I will tell you the plan involves a big move for me out of Austin to Colorado. And I’m making the move with someone I care deeply for. For those who care, more on that to come in future posts.)