Our minds are great, wonderful and powerful things.
It’s been almost a week since I last posted, but in my mind it feels as though a year could have easily passed. So much has happened since Friday, the 19th. I can vividly remember sitting at a window at Whole Foods in downtown Austin. I was torn up inside, writing about yet more changes in my life. But I was also experiencing a sense of liberation. This overwhelming sense of newfound freedom. Which I now know was not a result of being free from anyone, but of allowing myself to free myself from me. From all these new thoughts and fears. From those old, familiar, personal, rusted-up chains I always manage to find and wrap around myself.
And so what? That was almost seven days ago. A few days. A lifetime. In the world of delightenment, I don’t think that kind of trivial passing of time really even matters.
A couple of weeks ago, before the Whole Foods day, I woke up one morning with an urge to put my niggling thoughts to paper — not in words, but in a sort of stream-of-consciousness picture. Being an excellent sketch artist, I grabbed a pencil and sat down at the kitchen table prepared to produce some super-convoluted, detail-heavy master-stration of DaVincian proportion. I was ready to projectile vomit my bothersome mental ideas through my hand onto my paper canvas like some spasmodic, modern day, black lady Jackson Pollock. I was absolutely overcome with emotion and tremor! So no one was more surprised than I when all I came up with was this:
That’s all. That’s all there is. Now. And what could be more simple? What’s done is done. What’s coming — I couldn’t for certain tell you. But what I do have some power over — and what I can learn to focus my thoughts on — is only what’s happening right now. The realization that I don’t have to hang on to any negative thoughts or perceived notions or heartbreaking assumptions based on my past, or debilitating fears and paralyzing anxiety about my future… Wow, that comes to me as a beautiful relief.
Letting it all go is simple. All there is is to do it. Clear my mind and rest easy in the now.
So, this week. There’s been lots of progress. I’m physically and mentally in a promising space. Writing jobs are starting to come in. I’m gaining more confidence. I’m believing with more assurance in my new Charlotte project. I’m putting into practice more and more all that I’m learning, and I’m seeing how lasting rewards can come from that. I’m training my thoughts to remain fixed only on what’s happening in my heart, mind and world right now. Because now is really all there is.
Til next time!