My spirit guide is apparently saving my life, and I’m not even aware of it!
Were it not for that, I shudder to think where I might be right now. Maybe in the nuthouse. Or six feet under. Or…gasp!…at Tinseltown Pflugerville about to attend a prescreening of Steven Soderbergh’s new HBO movie Behind the Candelabra about flamboyant pianist Liberace (played by Michael Douglas) and his young lover (Matt Damon.)
There’s been a lot, and I mean a lot, of flux in my life these last few weeks. With quitting smoking, helping my daughter get off to college, changing my Facebook status to In A Relationship, moving from one state to another, setting out on the arduous task of finding new freelance writing work, moving back to the city I just left, surreptitiously switching my Facebook status back to single, all in the span of about two months, I guess I’m pretty lucky that the worst of the fallout is a broken heart.
Each of those things, in and of themselves, were beautiful expressions of my being fully plugged in to creating delightenment in my life. I had no doubt my big move was setting me up for what would ultimately be countless “Oh yes, I moved to Paris from Austin by way of Boulder” conversations over crudités and french wine. “Oh yes, I moved back to Austin from Boulder by way of Austin” over a Torchy’s taco just doesn’t have the same kind of zing! In fact, for me, the whole turn of events has led to some pretty severe bouts of sadness.
Successfully dealing with any one of those things can be tough. Only a fool on a mission to get to this so-called state of delightenment would go whole hog into all those things and expect it to just somehow…pork out.
That’s where those closest to you come in. The friends and family members who know you best. They know what the look on your face means without you even telling them. Or the sound of your voice–what it signifies. They don’t stab you with a fork when you sit at their kitchen table for hours in a kind of shocked what the hell am I gonna do now? stupor. And they help you see things the way they really are as opposed to the fatalist way you’re choosing to see them. And just when you think you’re about to expire from how fear of the future has pulverized your will to move, someone close to you says, “Ooooh, The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion is coming on in five minutes. Let’s watch some TV!”
Or they say, “I know you’re hurting right now, but your spirit guide is leading you. I’m really in awe watching how your subconscious is helping you take care of yourself. You’re exercising, you’re writing, you’re getting lost and figuring your way around. I’ve noticed it. And I tell you, it’s right there, girl. You’re about to turn a corner.”
And they’re right. All the somber self-loathing is worthless, really. Because you’re doing it. You’re still creating your delightenment, you’re just choosing not to see it.
Oh spirit guide (yes…click the link. It is my blog, therefore I get to choose what my spirit guide looks like…) Oh spirit guide, I honor you and give you praise! Continue to work your healing mojo on me. I bequeath myself utterly and entirely to you until such time that it is abundantly clear that I can supervise myself…which…oh, loving and kind spirit guide (yes…click it…) could take…a while…
Til next time!